Thoughts

I’d like to be a Renaissance Man

I don’t know about you, (leave a comment if you like,) but I would love to do more than just one thing in my life.

I always dreamt to be some sort of entertainer, as well as an artist, a semi-professional cook, a rucksack world-traveling Vlogger, a designer, marathon-runner and a videogame critic. I would love learn Japanese fluently, join a non-profit organisation, go into politics, do a marathon, bike around Thailand, live in New York for a year, then California and maybe 5 years in Japan.

So far, the one thing I definitely am is:

A dreamer.

This is in itself not a bad thing I guess. Dreams are a sign (for me) that you care deeply about something, that you have some sense of agency within yourself. That you aspire to grow, see a different future for yourself. To be yourself.

But dreaming is not enough. Dreams can only get you so far; most likely one blog entry further and a soy latte later. But, you’ll always get sparkling eyes talking to your friends about them and feel like you’ve accomplished a tiny bit by talking about it.

I want to be an achiever.

I dreamt for a long time. I feel like I escaped the Inceptionesque-limbo of my 20s to see that I’m 30 and not one of my dreams is yet achieved. And there is no one else to blame than me. If I had failed at something or wasn’t perfect from the beginning, I began to doubt everything. I shied away from being myself. Sometimes, because I wanted to fit in, sometimes because change is frightening for me.

After the initial motivation for a topic burnt away like a candle without wax, it came down to the question if I have the two things that all achievers need to have: Confidence and Discipline. I felt weak, because I couldn’t stay on track. I had nothing. I felt like I am nothing. That I can only be nothing and nobody. Instead of focusing on solutions, I ran away and tried to find solace in other people and entertainment. This is over.

Now, I am a believer.

I always ran away from my possibilities. Thought one day I would make it, but in the end, TODAY is the only day I can make it – one step further.

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